I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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