Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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