Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
