Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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