How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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