I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
