My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
