R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
did i walk over a car last night?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
