i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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