I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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