i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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