if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
