You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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