I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
