I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
