Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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