shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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