im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
