I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think my fart just growled at me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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