we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
