even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
