i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
