Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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