Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
