just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
