whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
