Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
