Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
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This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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