she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
