this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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