i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
