he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
