giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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