even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
