I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
