we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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