The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
dude. I can hear the air.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
