There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think a kid would responsible me up
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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