R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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