i need an iv and a liver transplant
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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