she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
