It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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