my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
