She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
