I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
