Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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