i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
