I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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