i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
