If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
