I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
