U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
