Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
