Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
