Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
