I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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